Momo Kyun Sword Review/Rant

Momo Kyun Sword. Where does one even begin to talk about Momo Kyun Sword? Well, you don’t. Probably because you’ve never heard of this trash. I never heard of it either. I came across this anime one day on my anime app. I have absolutely no idea why I clicked on this. Momo Kyun Sword is the type of anime most people probably would scroll past just by seeing the cover alone. But I didn’t.

I wish I had because this anime is so bad that I had to go back and look up the name again because it’s that forgettable. This is a fantasy ecchi anime. Today, imma do something different. I’m going through every episode so that I can show you exactly how terrible this God forsaken anime is.

Firstly, let’s start off with our large breasted main “heroine” Momoko, and her sidekick friends which are a talking inu (dog), a monkey, and pheasant. In the first episode, we see Momo in training in a forest nearby her home town. In literally the first few minutes, we are establishing Momoko’s badassery for she can do stuff like this:

She is smashing a bolder with a WOODEN knife.
Split this huge ass tree. WITH A WOODEN SWORD! A PRACTICE SWORD!!!

The anime is showing us how capable Momoko can be. But her character gets shit on because:

1. She has no personality. She’s static. Her only traits are having huge breasts, and is a dojikko. In case you don’t know, dojikko is an anime girl who tends to be clumsy. They make mistakes that could hurt them, or others. This describes Momoko very well. Just a big titties and little personality.

2. She sucks ASS!! Momoko is a samurai. But she can’t do anything!  Momoko can’t do anything without someone helping her or saving her, even though it was established in the first few seconds of episode 1 that she can CLEARLY defend and fight for herself!

An example would be in episode one, where Momo is given the task to go on an adventure with her familiars and the 4 Celestial Maidens to go and collect these powerful peach fragments. These fragments could end all life as they know it when they’re all collected. Our antagonists are the Oni. Who are also trying to get their hands on them.

A powerful Oni named Tekki is destroying her hometown trying to find a fragment, and now she has to stop him. We meet the five Celestial Maidens who are on a journey to collect the fragments. And since Momoko is dumb, she thinks they did it. In the beginning, I don’t know why, but the subtitles called them apple, watermelon, quince, and chestnut based on their hair color. That’s what their names mean in Japanese. I thought it was funny so that what imma call them.

Momoko gets her ass handed to her by Tekki because like I said, she can’t do shit.

Are you telling me that Momo can destroy an entire bolder with a WOODEN dagger, but when she uses an actual sword against her opponent, she’s about as useless as some of the 40 iphone apps that you never use and take all of your goddamn storage? Bullshit.

But, Momoko’s Inu askes if they can do this thing called a Possession Fusion. Where they do some DragonBall Z shit and combine as one to become more powerful. Because like I said, she still can’t do anything on her own.

You know what? Every time a female protagonist is able to defend herself but to the power of fanfiction writing is suddenly unable to do so, I’ll just say they’re suffering from Misaki Sue. It’s like Mary sue, but Mary needs some time off. So Misaki from Kaichou Wa Maid Sama can take her place as a character who can defend herself, but to the power of “DURRRR HHUURR” can’t anymore.

Momoko says that it’s never worked before, but OF COURSE it just so happens to work that very next second. How. Fucking. Convenient. They go through this transformation scene and use this huge attack. By the way, throughout the anime when Momo uses her big transformation attack, whether it’s the monkey, pheasant, or dog, she uses the same attack EVERY single time.

She goes through the same cycle of animation. Which to me was hilarious sense it show the people who made this didn’t care or have the budget to make different moves for her. But they did have the budget to make dem big ol’ titties defy all da logics of physics!

The Oni get their asses handed to them by Momoko and the Celestial Maidens. Then they all set out to begin their very bland and generic adventure.

Ok, let’s talk about the fanservice in this anime because, it’s horrendous. There are shots like this:

Is this supposed to be fanservice?

No, this isn’t a bad screenshot. This is actually how it looked. The way it was animated for that scene made it look like someone was filming her, but the camera was out of focus. People, Japan, animators, please listen. Why make an ecchi anime if you’re just gonna cover it up? Why? That makes no sense. You put breast and butts in there but don’t show anything. Why watch even watch ecchi? Just watch hentai. All they’re doing is cockblocking you. So Japan, or anyone listening, just please stop because it makes no sense whatsoever.

But the fanservice in this anime is so freaking bad. It’s obvious they don’t have nipples, so why do they keep covering them?

It’s uninteresting bullshit. Who’s fapping to this? If you’ve seen any kind of anime fanservice, then would’ve already seen this a million times. Generic uninspired ecchi anime.

Episode 2.We meet our next main character Onihime. Who is the daughter of the main villain Jakiou. Onihime isn’t even worth talking about since she sucks as an evil villain. Onihime and Momo both want the last of a certain type of dumpling. To get that dumpling Onihime challenges Momo….to a dumpling eating contest that will decide… who will get that dumpling. I’m not even joking.

Also, an Oni named Genkki is looking for Onihime and I find it hilarious at the fact no one notices one of the lost members of the Blue Man group walking around.

People know what Oni are, so why they wouldn’t react to him is beyond me. Unless someone at the production studio said: “Fuck it, we just don’t care anymore.”

Onihime knows they’re out to find steal the peach fragments. Momoko knows they’re out to keep the Oni from getting them. What do they do? Go on spa sprees together.

Yup, I’m not even kidding. This is throughout the whole anime. They are always going to the fucking spa bath or beach.

All…the…freaking…time. For what other reason than to show fanservice. Um hello??
Peach fragments that when gathered can literally take over the fucking world!!!! Shouldn’t you be… I don’t know….SEARCHING FOR THEM INSTEAD OF, “GOING OUT WHICH CHA’ GIRLFRIENDS??? HELLOOO??? Jesus Christ filler, filler, filler. My god.

Episode 3. Absolutely pointless since they don’t even find a peach fragment. They wanted to use this to try and make conflict between the characters, but we barely know or care about them, so it doesn’t even matter. At least they tried. Also, they introduce a new character who is obviously going to do something shady but they make it so obvious. Oh well.

Episode 4. More fanservice. A squid has a peach fragment (somehow) inside of it, making it grow huge. Squid+anime girls. You already know where this anime went.

Episode 5. Used to show conflict. And no fragment. The conflict didn’t even matter since it is quickly resolved at the end with a measly sorry. The drama between Momo and her companions was so forced. Momo’s companions are also her teachers. They’re the ones who taught and basically raised Momoko. They should’ve known better, and that petty “who is the most useless” shit. It shouldn’t even have happened.

Episode 6. Jesus fucking Christ episode 6. I’m getting mad just thinking about this episode. I just freaking cant. The stupidity goes tenfold in this episode. So, imma get past the fact that all the soldiers in this episode are the exact same model to save me some sanity. But, the Celestial Maidens become pop stars….

I was thinking to myself, “No, there is no way this anime is actually going to make spiritual heavenly beings, that are supposed to be looking for fragments that could destroy humanity, pop star idols. There’s no way.”

Jesus take the wheel….and drive me off the side of a cliff. They sing, dance, and show off their bodies to these soldier men. And the way they get out of it is the same way the characters get out of everything in this anime. Forced, and quick.

They go on stage, cancel the show that all these people paid for, and say some bull about how “this isn’t who we are” and blah blah blah. Yeah no shit. Then fly off. And by they way the audience of men talked, THEY WERE OK WITH IT!!!!

Just dumb

“Yay we just wasted our money coming to see these five hoes sing and dance but that’s not who they are! AHUURR DURRRR. They don’t show their bodies, that not who they are!” Oh, by the way, to smooth things over with the men, Momoko uses a picture of her body that instantly sold out. Yeah, because a picture of this single hoe would be bigger than the ones of 4 heavenly hoes. M’kay.

They all have the same model

Episode 7. The two obvious bad guys did something bad. Go figure. They took fragment without the others knowing. One of the Celestial Maidens, Quince, has a little crystal ball that is supposed to show things such as danger and the location of the fragments.

She is absolutely useless, since the crystal ball can’t pinpoint exactly where danger or a fragment could be. But she is never wrong when she says something’s nearby.
But yet, she is unable to notice when someone among them has a fragment.

Even another one of the Celestial Maidens, Watermelon, calls her useless. Which I find hilarious since *she’s* actually the most unneeded and unimportant character in the entire series. At least Quince tries. This cow does absolutely nothing. She’s just fanservice fodder.

Also, this episode is where we get a taste of our main villain Jakiou. You will soon realize that he is the nicest villain you’ve ever seen. I’m not even joking. Onihime actually goes against him, and he just doesn’t care. He says something that can basically summed up as “Do what you truly believe” or some shit like that. Onihime gets no punishment. In fact, in an earlier episode when one of his men failed him, he basically told him to just try again! I’m so serious!

But yet this anime wants to play him off as some scary intimidating villain. They leave him in the shadows, he is huge, you only really see his glaring red eyes. Um, way to kill off any future tension we had with this guy. Onihime, his own daughter, BETRAYED him and he said it was OK!!!!

Episode 8. Fuck episode 8. Filler bullshit that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. No fragments, and another fuckin’ spa bath!!! FUCK!! An Oni who steals panties and eats them. Gross. Fuck this episode.

Episode 9 and 10. We learn about Momoko’s past. Onihime and her are actually sisters that got separated. This could’ve been a nice scene if I actually cared about them, but I don’t. Also, we learn about this peach fragment core that they just pull outta nowhere. Peach fragment core is well, the core of all the peach fragments. The peach fragment core can draw all of the fragments to it. So….if the core can drag all of the fragments to it….

WHY DIDN’T THEY GET THAT FIRST!!!!! Oh my god. I mean, OH. MY. GOD!!! This woulda saved people from watching this anime. It woulda took 1 episode. Or, why didn’t they just set the anime up in a way where the journey was to just find the core? Then maybe, just maybe, all of those bath scenes woulda made sense. But no, now Jakiou has half of the fragments and the core. Meanwhile, the idiot crew has the other half.

Episode 11. Jakiou vs Momoko. Momoko Fusion Possessions with all three of her companions. (Yeah, because it was supposed to be so difficult with just one she can now suddenly do all three.) Jakiou is killed and falls through the floor. And Onihime just so happens to be at that same place Jakiou landed! Sad scene happens.

Episode 12 (Last episode yay!). Since Momoko killed Onihime’s stepfather, Onihime goes after her. Now, you would expect some big climax, but as I said before, this anime’s way of dealing with problems are forced and quick. Momoko basically says that Onihime can keep fighting her as long as she wants. That’s it. All problems solved. They live happily ever after. The end.

Ok, HOLY SHIT this anime was a mess. The animation. Not a single frame of good animation, or even average. This anime has shots like this:

That is actually how some of the scenes look. Why does it look like someone is holding a goddamn camera! Also, since this anime relies on fanservice as it’s crutches when the animation looks like that, you failed at making an ecchi anime. This is how you make an ecchi anime, the wrong way.

In fact, this is how you make an anime the wrong way period. I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t care about anyone or anything going on. Characters are given no depth. Yes, they were given backgrounds.

But if a stranger came up to you and told you he used to play on a tire swing outside of his farm as a boy, would you care?
This is what Momoko is like. A stranger who told you some of his/her background. That doesn’t mean you should care about her. And I certainly don’t. This show is the worst. Filler, filler, filler, and pointless and unappealing fanservice. Skip this anime like I wish I had!

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