Being a Fangirl

 Being a fangirl is like being a pie. Quite normal and somewhat appealing looking on the outside, while being a hot goopy fucking mess on the inside (T^T). Where do I even begin talking about my experience being a fangirl? It’s quite difficult since I have no idea how or when it started. Well, this is my own personal experience, and I’m sure a lot of people have their own. I’ll try not speak for all fangirls since we are all different.

When I searched the internet for my definition of a fangirl, what Google gave me kinda disappointed me. To be honest, I didn’t know what I’d expect. Was Google supposed to be honest and say “Fangirls, also known as homofanagirlis is a weird breed of females who’s lives are dedicated to wildly waving their arms like air dancers to a person(s) fictional, real, or an object(s)? And most likely breathe harder than the average female.”

So I went to Urban Dictionary (the most reliable of sources) and “ah.” There I am.

 

“A female who has overstepped the line between healthy fandom and indecent obsession”

Thank you “monkey” for that wonderful definition.

Doesn’t sound like something to be proud of huh? Well… probably not. I’m being brutality honest with myself here. But it seemed the most accurate. Let me tell you what being a fangirl is like for me.

1. Constantly daydreaming.

There is never a single moment in my life where I’m not daydreaming. It’s like it makes up half my brain. If I’m not sleeping or thinking about something other than my daydreams, that what I’m doing. Sometimes it effects my work, which is a real problem for me since I’m hopping out of a public school to a private one.

Even while I’m listening to music, I use them as awesome background music for the setting in my daydreams. Or sometimes I fantasize that I’m the one singing or playing those songs. Its so real to me that sometimes I silently talk to myself because I’m talking to other characters in my daydreams. It that crazy.

2. Family, friends, and life.

Do you know how hard it is to try and hide your inner insanity from your friends and family? I sure do. As hard as I might, I can’t keep my inner weeaboo from coming out in front of my family and friends. My family thinks “Why do you love so much Japanese stuff?” or “All anime is, is girls in short skirts” (not right but not wrong). Well, anime can help you learn words and teach you some things about Japanese culture. Which is good.

But I might take it to far. I wanna go to this Japanese restaurant or that anime store. In all honesty, I actually enjoy Japanese food. And of course anime isn’t leaving my life anytime soon. I get ignorant comments from people asking if I watch hentai just because I watch anime (like wtf!?!). Even if I did, why would you ask someone that? Would you walk up to someone and ask them if they watch porn (I do but asking that is weird and rude.)

Its hard being around people who dont understand or think anime is this godforsaken thing.

Me showing my friends/family anime

I recently got my best friend into anime (yay) which I’m glad about. We talk about anime related stuff all the time, but her weeaboo powers haven’t reached god levels like mine yet. (Btw, weeaboo isn’t an insult anymore. To me and some of my other friends, it’s kinda like saying “buddy” or “you watch a lot of anime”. It lost all meaning now. Lol)

3. Accidentally making weird faces and noises.

Nuff said.

4. My harem (this is where my fangirling kicks in)

Oh my god, where do I even begin? The amount of crushes I have is immeasurable. This is a list of them:

Any yaoi character ever, all male characters in Diabolik lovers, all characters in seduce me the otome, Kurisuri from Mononoke, Hades from Olimpos, Yukki from Mirai Nikki (only when he had his long hair), The Count of Monte Cristo from Gankutsuou, Denim from Death Parade, the male delinquents from Yandere simulator (Yes really), Sans and Papyrus from Undertale, Sebastian and the Undertaker from Black Butler, Ginko from Mushishi, Itachi and Kakashi from Naruto, Lord Berus and Android 17 from Dbz, Rin from Jigoku Shoujo, Ferid Bathory from Owari no Seraph, Levi from Attack on Titan (senpai!!!), Death the Kid from Soul Eater, Lord Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender, L from Death Note, Espio the chameleon, Sonic, and Shadow the hedgehog from Sonic (I can count them since they were in an anime), Laslow, Keaton, and Niles from Fire Emblem.

AND THIS LIST ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING FINISHED!! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!

Why!?! Why can’t I just marry all of you without feeling like a dirty whore ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)?  “Y U DO DIS TO MEEHH?!?!” I hop from one daydream with each of these characters to another. The sounds and squealing I make when I see these characters. If I were lighter skinned I’d probably see myself blushing (*≧▽≦).

And this is where my main problem is. Hot (imo) anime male characters. And of course, this has problems. Why do I (and probably some others) want these fictional characters to be real? In my opinion, I think it comes from the fact that one day, we would like a partner in our lives to have these traits. Tall, handsome, smart, (maybe) a little rough (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). That look in their eyes, their voice. Perhaps they’re the dominanating type. (I’m not talking about some 50 Shades of Grey kinda bullshit. Idk maybe you’re into that. Aren’t cha’ ya you little weirdo?)

I’m talking about what I deem as hot and perfect. Even the crushes I have that are evil villains. It’s like, even though they’re supposed to be the bad guy, I would want them to come to me when they’re in need of comfort. To make me, and only me their only weakness.

And I want that comfort too. Now as cliché as that whole “escape reality” stuff is, it’s true. I turn into a whole other person in my fantasies. Because in that world nothing could go wrong for me. Since I’m the creator. Ms. Puppet master. He does what I want him to do, and I do what I can’t do in real life. Its kinda like the Sims in way. But with an infinite amount of possibilities.

So, I personally wouldn’t consider being a fangirl (or boy) a totally bad thing. It does hinder me sometimes. But has being a fangirl ever helped anyone? Well, If there’s one thing we fangirls all have in common, it’s that we fangirl to escape reality (I was gonna say to relieve stress but I think some fangirls just get even more stressed due to over fangirling LOL).

This is my opinion on being a fangirl. We just might have a little bit of an obsession, but if we didn’t, then we would just be fans. Now please excuse me, those ships aren’t gonna sail themselves. Fufu…fufufu..

Thanks, and please leave a like! 😙

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